First dates are fun, stressful and sometimes annoying. You go to meet a stranger without knowing what is waiting for you. The date might turn out amazing or the hour might feel like a decade. You might get pissed or get job interview training. The experience will change depending on the person you will meet. I was talking with a friend couple of weeks ago, he had a date with a girl after his relationship. He was nervous and wanted to make a good impression, so we were discussing first dates and what each likes in them. It was an interesting conversation that inspired me to write this post.
In this post, I want to share four things that I don’t like on a first date and four things that I would appreciate.
What I hate on a first date
1- Texting for a long duration prior to the first date
It seems people are preferring texting over calling or meeting. I understand it is more convenient, but have you texted a guy for a month to end up having the most awkward date? When you ask all your questions via text and you feel you know the person but actually you don’t. When you meet him for the first time, you don’t know what to talk about. AWKWARD
The other funniest scenario is the “hello! how was your day? What was your plan for today?” every day for I don’t know how long till you first meet. This situation doesn’t only make me bored and lose interest but also gives me the impression that I am on standby or plan B mode. Also, Why should I report to a stranger my daily activities?
2- Scripted questions
The Interview date! I feel like asking at the end if I got the girlfriend’s job and when will the recruitment process ends. Guys might be nervous and want to ensure a flow of communication, but memorizing a set of scripted questions is not the right approach. I did worse than that in my early dating phase and looking back, I would have not dated myself 🤪 The best conversations are the ones that flow naturally. Nerves and stress get the best of us, but the ideal way to deal with them is by boosting self-confidence and relaxing not by memorizing a set of questions.
3- Planning a day date
Going on a first date is like opening a kinder surprise egg. You never know what you get. Can you imagine getting stuck with a none match for a day!!! That would be torture!! I personally prefer going for a couple of hours to get to know the person and a day date might be a good second date idea.
4- The I want to marry ASAP type
Though I am always open to a relationship if a good match is found, It freaks me out if the marriage topic is asked on a first date. I don’t like to feel pressured or committed when I barely know the person. A first date is supposed to be an introduction, not an agreement. We are living in a fast-paced environment and people don’t want to lose time but when it comes to relationships, I prefer to walk at a steady pace to get to know one another.
What I would appreciate on a first date
1- Finding a common interest to do together
I would never forget that one guy who made sure to ask me about my favourite food and drinks before picking the restaurant. We discovered that we both are wine lovers, therefore he researched a place with a wide wine collection. I did really appreciate that gesture. He showed that he is interested in what I like and that he is trying to create a memorable experience for both. Though we didn’t continue dating due to a miss match in the character (introvert vs extrovert) and future plan, he succeeded in creating a great moment. We enjoyed a great discussion and the door for a nice friendship remained open.
Chivalry is dying!! Though I am a feminist, I would also appreciate being treated like a lady. Fighting for women’s rights and equal opportunities doesn’t oppose chivalry!! I personally don’t understand why chivalry is regarded sometimes to be offensive for women. I don’t see holding the door as a sign of not being able to open it myself, but as a gesture of respect. When it comes to manners, I am old school. I would give credit to a guy who gives me the lady treatment.
What about the bill?? I personally don’t mind splitting it. In some cultures, the guy is supposed to pay. I don’t see that as a requirement. Nowadays, women are financially independent, so we can pay for our food. If he wants to make a voluntary kind gesture to show interest, I would see it as intended and be thankful.
3- Putting an effort into the appearance
As I am supposed to spend hours preparing myself to look at my best, I am expecting him to put in an effort too. Looking presentable and clean is part of a good first impression. It also gives a sign of the level of interest. When my guy’s friends are interested in a girl, they buzz me with their outfit pictures before their date to get an opinion on their look, and that’s super cute!! It shows how much they care.
4- Getting to know one another
I look at a first date as an opportunity to get to know a person. I would like to exchange interests, visions, opinions and stories. It is so annoying when a guy starts talking about himself for hours and you are expected to listen and act impressed. Also, I am not a fan of a dynamic first date. For example, I don’t see myself spending my first date watching a movie as It won’t allow me to get to know the other person.
First dates are stressful and sometimes annoying but they are the first step toward building meaningful connections. I shared with you my do’s and don’ts on a first date. What is yours? and Do you agree with me on some of the discussed points? Do you have a fun first date experience that you would like to share with us?